The Proof of Your Love

I've been kind of in a funk lately...not anything terrible...just that place where you find yourself searching but coming up with nothing.   If I've learned anything on my journey it's that you have to keep trusting God and walking along His path even when you "feel" nothing, are lonely, feel defeated, feel hopeless, etc.  I know every time I've turned around and looked back I've discovered that Christ was right there beside me (yes, much like that Footprints poem).  I'm going to hit on a few things that I come to one major thing so forgive some of the scatteredness!

 I feel like I'm going through difficult things that seem simple and easy to others.  I know other people struggle with these things (motherhood, purpose, lack of friendship) but the utter aloneness you feel going through some of things can get overwhelming sometimes.  Jason's been a challenge lately.  I've said a thousand times that God gave him a cute little grin and laugh and amazing charm about him because when he's a stinker, he's a STINKER!  From the aggressiveness to the not responding to almost any mommy discipline, I've found myself in tears many times.  I'm trying to constantly put my parenting at the feet of Jesus, because on my own, I'm lousy.  I think almost every mother has had one of those moments where you think, "I'm the worst mom on the planet."  At least a lot of moms have told me that.  Hopefully no ones lying! ;)  But having my character tested by my 1 year old is not anything I'd ever have thought I'd have to deal with.





And we can't forget Little Miss....Ellie.  She also has the ability to be amazingly intuitive and cute.  She's most definitely a 60 year old trapped in a 3 year old body.  But when she turns the attitude on...oh my word!!  Is there a teenager trapped inside too?!  I was at a Christian type weekend a few months ago and God so clearly spoke to me - BE PATIENT WITH THEM?  I mean that slap in the face, wasn't expecting that, bring on the tears kind of aha moment.  So a few months later...am I?

In my marriage, I feel like I've been struggling with being defensive.  I thank God for a study I've been doing with my small group that has really made me look inward in a lot of ways.  I feel like I'm so quick to jump on the things that I disagree with or give attitude (I'm 100% sure that's where Ellie gets it) if things aren't going the way I want them to.  So, in response to this I started to memorize I Corinthians 13:4-7 which is the verses about love.

It says, "Love is patient, love is kind.  Love is not jealous or boastful or proud, or rude.  It does not demand its own way.  It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged.  It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out.  Love never gives up, never loses faith.  It is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance."

There is a lot of lovin' packed in those 3 amazing verses.

So fast forward to the current.  I had a pity party for myself the other day about my lack of deep friendships.  I told Bryan that there were not a whole lot of people on the planet that would consider me important to them.  Sure, I have plenty of friends, but I mean REALLY important! How incredibly selfish!!  At the time, I just wanted to wallow in it but as God chipped at my defensive ways I realized just how much all of this was about ME.

There's a new song on the radio called "The Proof of Your Love" and it has spoken to me with chills several times.  There's a section in the middle of the song where they say the verses that the song is based off of.  I've heard them plenty of times but didn't realize that they are right before the previously stated love verses that we all know so well.

It's I Corinthians 13:1-5 from The Message:

 "If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don't love, I'm nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate. If I speak God's Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, "Jump," and it jumps, but I don't love, I'm nothing. If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don't love, I've gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love." 


Now for the great tie it all together:  
Nothing I do matters....to Ellie, to Jason, to Bryan, to my friends, to the needy, to the rich, to the believer, to the unbeliever, to the person that doesn't get me, to my Heavenly father, to my students....nothing matters if I have not loved.


Let me tell you what...I've been convicted.  Not just once, but over and over.  I know I won't magically get it perfect from today on, but surely the more I hear it, meditate on it and put it into practice, the more it will become my nature. And let's face it,  we were all born into an ugly, sinful, all about me mentality.  


So, who do you need to love?


Here's the lyrics to the song:


If I sing but don't have love
I waste my breathe with every song
I bring, an empty voice
A hollow noise

If I speak with a silver tongue
Convince a crowd but don't have love
I leave a bitter taste
With every word I say

(Chorus)
So let my life be the proof
The proof of Your love
Let my love look like You
And what You're made of
How you lived, how You died
Love is sacrifice
So let my life be the proof
The proof of Your love

If I give to a needy soul
But don't have love then who is poor
It seems all the poverty
Is found in me

Chorus

Ooh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
When it's all said and done
Ooh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
When we sing our final song

Only love remains
Only love remains

If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don't love, I'm nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate. If I speak God's Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, "Jump," and it jumps, but I don't love, I'm nothing. If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don't love, I've gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love. (1 Corinthians 13:1-7, The Message)