There's a worship song I love (I know, big shocker!!) that says, "While I'm waiting...I will serve you." It's a very simple line but man - it is speaking volumes to me right now. I feel like God has put it on my heart to do hands on missions. For a long time I rationalized it by saying, "No Jenn - where you are is your mission field." And as true as that is - I kept feeling like God was showing me that I am a risk-taker and that I'm married to a risk-taker and when two risk-takers unite.....hahaha. Seriously, when two risk-takers unite incredible things can happen for God. The trouble is the waiting. I feel like I'm sitting here waiting for the finances to come together, waiting on the kids to grow a little and waiting at my job. =( That's the hardest of all for me. I really do love working with kids but teaching is a whole different dinosaur. Sadly, it's not the "red-tape" that all these teachers refer to, or the administration, and certainly not the schedule, but it's the attitudes of so many of these little darlings that are already so unmotivated. I find myself asking if I should try teaching high school, or music, or at a better school or if I should totally change careers. If you add all of those worrries and concerns with my already busy enough life of raising a 1 and 3 year old it's disastrous. I'm finding such a hard time finding peace and patience in the waiting. So much so that it truly damages my ability to just serve God sometimes. It says in the Bible in Peter 5:7, "Cast all your care about him for he cares for you." Hmmmm....I'm not doing that. It's the very song I have sang over both of my children since they were born, even in the hospital, every time Ellie is scared, every time Jason is fussing to go to bed. I know my sweet Savior is singing that song over me (even though it's about him.)
I cast all my cares upon you. I lay all of my burdens down at your feet. And anytime I don't know what I should do, I will cast all my cares upon you.
That will be my song. I don't know what's next or when. Some days I will fight the anxiety of not knowing what to do more than others but I know that God is with me. This is an excerpt from "Jesus Calling" from yesterday and it is what God is telling me to remember.
The most important thing to determine is what to do right now. Instead of scanning the horizon of your life, looking for things that need to be done, concentrate on the task before you and the One who never leaves your side. Let everything else fade into the background. This will unclutter your mind, allowing Me to occupy more and more of your consciousness. Trust Me to show you what to do when you have finished what you are doing now. I will guide you step by step, as you bend your will to mine.
God - I'm yours. I am at your will. Show me your way for me one step at a time and help me to be okay with that. Thank you for watching over me and caring for me more than I'll ever know.
